Monday, June 19, 2017

The AutoImmune Struggle ...

Unless you or someone you loved is faced with an autoimmune disease I think it is relatively safe to say not many people know about it or how much it can affect someone's life.

I've lived with at least one autoimmune issue for the last decade and it is safe to say that the health issues that come from it affect pretty much every facet of my world. The ways it changes and shifts what would be my normal existence may not seem significant to you the reader but to individuals like me who face these challenges day in and day out, it is a great challenge.

There are over a hundred documented autoimmune diseases and its claimed that once one is unlocked more can follow. They also never seem to know the 'triggers' and of course they are a life long condition that some have treatment for and others don't.

Personally I think some of the problem is that in today's world we as a society don't talk openly about our issues enough. People end up ashamed or judged. I know in a lot of situations that is how I've felt before.

I've had quite a start to my 34th year of life. One that I had originally hoped would begin a turning point in my physical life. That is still up in the air but I am certainly hopeful for year 35 in 11 months.

The people who have known me for some time are aware that I've had a few diagnosis that I have been dealing with since I was 24. The list seemed to make each of them worse because one would cause an effect that would increase or decrease the symptoms of the other.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with the following:

- Ulcerative Colitis

In 2009 I was diagnosed with the following:

- Thyroid Eye Disease
- Insulin Resistance
- Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

In 2013 I was officially diagnosed with:

- Endometriosis
- Celiac Disease

Three of these four were suspected to be the main cause of all my pregnancy related trauma and they made each other worse in terms of hormones. If you're keeping count we are at six confirmed autoimmune / hormone related issues that I was learning how to deal with and conquer.

Now in 2017 due to the random happenstance of my left ankle that I broke in college and my right wrist that I injured in marital arts both suddenly acting up on me we had a series of blood work done.

Now I am waiting for confirmation for the following autoimmune diseases to become added to the list of issues my body is facing:

- Systemic Lupus
- Sjogren's Syndrome
- Antiphosphlipid Syndrome

The waiting game now begins for this next part of the tour through hell that my body must take. And when it is all said in done, it is the Antiphosphlipid Syndrome that we are pretty convinced was the cause of all the babies I've lost over the years. Not the PCOS, Insulin Resistance or Endometriosis, but the blood clot factor that a simple aspirin a day could have helped prevent.

Kind of a lot of information to take in after having a major abdominal surgery that has pretty much left me confined to my home. The hysterectomy to relieve me of the endometriosis and PCOS issues opened a whole new can of worms just by happenstance.

This blog I know doesn't make a lot of sense, it is a bit random in posting. But I have been reflecting on my emotions and I need to start getting them out. My blog used to be a source of therapy for me and I feel an urge to write again. But not fiction, my emotions.

I do hope one day I can find a way to be at peace with all of these issues that get slapped in my face. I'll be honest the last 28 days have been some of the hardest emotionally for me that I can remember since my last baby died in 2009 and I am really struggling with coping.

There is a lot of things people do in their lives to stay healthy but I honest feel like no matter how hard I work something always comes back up that throws me back down a peg. I am really praying for a miracle. That in two months when the next round of tests come back they show that I don't have Lupus. That's just one more issue that I am mentally not ready to accept.

They say God doesn't give you more than your an handle but I am really having a hard time handling this.

But it is also said that during your lowest moments it is those who stand by you that show you who your real support system and friends are so I am thankful to those individuals who are helping me through this. And Lord knows that I never would have been able to face these uncertain doctors appointments without my step - mom. Between her and my hubby I know I'm not alone but it is really hard to remember that when you're sitting in your bed feeling the pain in my abdomen from the surgery where my intestine had been scraped clean of scar tissue. Or when you're riding in a car home from dinner with your grandfather and a bump on the highway makes you want to cry from the pain.

One day I will wake up and the nightmares will be over ... and I pray that day is tomorrow.

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