New Attempts At Gardening - Oh The Memories - Gardening with Grandma

The good thing about blogging – you can pick up anytime you want and add fresh new posts.

 

My current endeavors include gardening. Do any of you garden? What exactly is gardening? Lots of memories in this head of mine involving gardens. Last night I was talking with my mom, we probably spent 45 min discussing it. The smile my face was wearing the whole time was so important to me. 

 

When I think of gardening I think of my mom’s family. They all had gardens. This little town in Kansas is called Goodland. That’s where they were all from, well I mean they are originally from the Wichita area but that’s splitting hairs.

Goodland, Ks, this is where my gardening memories start. My grandmother had the most beautiful backyard you’d ever see. It was quintessential mid-west. They had a beautiful patio that I just wished I could duplicate. Their yard was massive and the garage the prettiest red shade you can picture. But, along her back fence, that was where the real magic happened. 

 

I would be lying if I knew the real dimensions, but it had to at least be 10x30 feet, this garden. I close my eyes and can picture the summer days with crops sprouting and waiving in the air. As a little girl, my best memory was going into her garden and eating her tomatoes. My mother told me last night that this particular habit of mine started when I had just learned to walk, at our at-home garden in Wichita.

 

Maybe that’s why this memory makes me smile so much, it is one that ties me to my mother and my grandmother. All I want is a tomato plant of my own now, 38 years later. 

 

Since I’ve been married almost every year I have dreamed of my own garden like Grandma had. Two years ago, I started too late in the season and all I was able to make grow was a pumpkin vine that only had female buds, so no pumpkins grew. Last year was way more successful. I had 20 different items planted and they all sprouted and looked great. And then the blasted April showers hit, and it rained for 3 weeks. My poor garden didn’t survive. I was able to harvest 1 successful cucumber and 3 green beans.

 

Needless to say, it was not a successful harvest,

This year I am prepared. I researched and looked for outdoor greenhouses and I think I will like the one I settled on. It is a 12x8 footprint. Perfect for the above grounds I currently have in the yard and ample room to add the fruit pants I plan on putting in pots. 

 

Tonight is the night, I have a couple seedlings to transplant that I started on my counter inside a few weeks back, but the bulk of my crop will be planted as seeds. The lettuce and broccoli did not survive the countertop, so I must restart those. I have 3 tomato plants started; I hope to see them flourish. My son seems just as excited as I am about this venture so I hope he and I can do this together. That would be a lot of fun. 

 

When I was talking with my mom last night, she told me I should blog about this experience. That’s the first thing in a while that sparked some creative juices in me. Maybe because it ties me to my grandmother, who I miss terribly. She died during Hurricane Harvey and my world has been lacking a lot without her in it. I called her brother last week, my great uncle, and asked him for some help on my seedlings. He has a non-profit farm in Denver and helps to feed the population up there. Unfortunately, he says Denver and Houston are too different and I would have better luck going to a nursery for help. Apparently, climates really do play a huge factor in it.

 

Not sure how much I will blog, but I do think I will. I love journaling my experiences, that way I can always look back and remember. Plus, this blog is called ‘Memories in a Box’ and this is literally memories from my past being transformed into a box of dirt!

 

Momma was right, I should blog about this.

 

Today is going to be a great day and I just can’t wait to see what my garden has in store for me in 3 months. 

 

I’ve never had the pleasure of feeding my family food I have grown on my own, and I am thrilled to experience that for the first time. We live on a pretty great size lot and maybe one day the dream of self-sufficient fruits and veggies can partially come true.

 

Although I hear banana trees bring in snakes, therefore I will happily continue to buy those at Aldi’s.

 

I’d love to hear your experiences with gardening or tips and tricks, please leave a comment below.

The Greenhouse - pre planting!

Here is a carrot I found leftover in the garden this weekend when I was cleaning. Imagine my surprise! 

When Life Throws A Curve Ball ...

 

It's been almost a year, since I felt the desire to write on my blog. A friend told me today maybe if I took 30 minutes out of each day to find something to do in the writing realm, that maybe I will find my creative spark again. This year has just wiped me out completely. They say that things happen for a reason, well, maybe I can see why the first part of the year played out the way it did.

They never said life as a wife or mom would be easy or even fulfilling every day, but this year is truly testing my resilience and strength in these areas. Not sure even how to put thoughts to paper about the emotions or struggles this year has brought forth in our lives. I just know that this year the feeling of isolation and voids have been prominent in certain points that don't usually cross my path. I hadn't realized how lost my mind had actually become until this past weekend when I was at an author event in San Antonio. I was surrounded by author friends I hadn't been able to see in two years because of COVID. Readers I hadn't seen even longer. It was just a wonderful day that filled my cup to the rim with enjoyment. 

That is something that this latter half of 2021 has truly been without in a lot of ways.

At the start of the year I ventured out into the political arena in my small city. I had the most eventful and fun four months. I made literally 100s of new friends, I went to so many different peoples homes and got to know them. I was welcomed by many. Even though in the end I fell short it was one of the most rewarding and grandest adventures I've taken in my 38 years. I haven't ruled out doing it again. I learned a lot, I also think I made a difference. I thought even though I was in an uphill battle, this was going to be my year.

Then May 1st happened. This is the first time I've written since my Aunt Pam died. It's weighed on me so much over the summer. So many times I wanted to break out the blog and just put my feelings and thoughts out there. Many times I wanted to pick up my WIP and just try to give my characters life again. But Aunt Pam was gone. She won't read it. She won't be there to cheer me on when I feel my confidence lacking. It just isn't the same.

At 9:30 that morning when I found out she had died, I knew writing would be a huge challenge. When that person who inspires and pushes you isn't there, picking up the pieces becomes harder. You can't pick who your muse is, or who your mind associates with certain aspects. And writing was always her. She believed in me to a point that I just couldn't ever feel from anyone else. How do I pick up and move on from here? I just feel very lost on that part of it.

But, shortly after, my Grandma, her sister, died. Just 20 days later. My heart hurt in ways unimaginable. I was one of those extremely blessed kids who grew up with not one, but all four of my grandparents throughout my whole childhood. Through my religious upbringing, my Taekwondo journeys, my Debate tournament preparations, college, wedding, writing, everything. 2012 hit and first went Grandpa Pete. I didn't think I could ever get over the immense loss I felt kissing him goodbye for the last time. I had my writing to help me with that grief. But when I lost his wife during Hurricane Harvey and then just a couple years later my other grandma, it is as if the loss complies on one another. Each one worse than the last. Now, I'm down to Joe. He was one of the strongest men to me growing up. But I know at 90 he isn't going to live forever. 2021 took so much from me this year I am extremely scared for these last 3 months.

In the past I've written about our adoption story and being a special needs mom. This summer posed a new kink in our system, my husband. I never thought I would have to prepare myself so young to see my husband suffer. We've not spoken about this publicly. We've kept it to ourself for the most part. In June, he had a significant neurological event that rendered him unable to work. We've been rebuilding throughout the summer. Finding the 'new normal' in our family dynamic. Some weeks easier than others, some weeks just hell. Pure hell. 

That's when the isolation feeling really kicked in. You look around when you're knee deep in hell and you see just exactly who is there for you, who actually has your back. It isn't always the people that you think it is. Individuals I've known many many years even at a point family, leaving you alone. That suddenly you become dependent in a way on the kindness of strangers. 

Maybe I lost the election because God knew I couldn't do both, help run a city and balance this new normal in our lives right away. Or maybe I hadn't learned enough life experiences yet. But I know what I've learned after all of this. 

Bonds only work when they are two way, each working together. Luckily Tony and I have each other, and our bond has only gotten stronger.

Those people I mentioned at the start of this blog, those individuals who opened their home to me and believed in me. The kindness of strangers really showed through these clouds. We have had several families open their hearts and help us, even when we say no. In some small ways I didn't even realize how much it meant to us, to me. Balancing this life on my shoulders has taken me to my knees many times in the last 4 months. We have no real clear picture on what the future is going to be like in our house but I wish I wasn't feeling alone. 

If you know me you know my schedule is jammed I am always out doing something, I'm always bustling around town either in Scouts, city committees, work, and a lot of doctors appointments. So being alone isn't something I often associate with myself. But alone is how I feel. 

Maybe it is due to the fact we haven't been very public about how this has happened to us. Or maybe it is because it happened to him, and not me. He's much more reserved, less vocal. 

The worst part, the city I fought so hard to help be a part of, the city that employed him for 13 years and 9 months, let him go 2 days after his FMLA expired. The city that we moved to because we wanted our children to be in a safe and loving place. Now I am battling this duality. Loving a city that has given back to us in so many many many ways, and hating it for what it's taken away from us, security. Luckily for my neighbors and friends I know the citizens are different from the city. But that's been a huge challenge for me.

Just more to the directional disfunction I am feeling in my life. I quite literally have no idea what to do in the future. I hate risk, I hate not being prepared. And here I am, sitting at the cliff feeling like I am going to take a tumble and dive into the abyss. 

There is only so much battling duality I can manage and this summer has taught me I just am not as strong as everyone says I am. There is a little girl inside of me crying daily for relief to come. There is a teenager yearning to hear the voices of her loved ones one more time to help her feel confident. Then, adult Ashley, grieving for the life she had six months ago. How time changes things in such a dramatic way that it was gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye. 

I don't understand how people can kneel before God and put their lives in his hands with undeniable faith. God has really let me down my entire adult life. And now, when it felt like we were finally on the paths we were meant to be on, Tony has a literal fall and our futures diverts into this unknown dimension.

This has been a lot of rambling, even for me. But, I guess as my therapist might say it all needed to come out.

I know one thing, when our lives calm and we know what our future will look like, I won't forget those who helped us manage through this obstacle. But more importantly, I won't forget who left us to struggle. When I get past this mess, I know what relationships I won't waste the effort on. Because like I said, a bond is a two way deal.

I just wish that maybe for a few moments in time I could find a way each week to feel like myself, and find a way to bring back that happy Ashley, that Ashley Saturday that was in her element talking about writing and reading. 

Maybe I should start with the most simplest of tasks, pick up a good book.

Next weekend is my 20 year high school reunion. The idea of seeing the people who I cherished growing up all together for the first time in decades has gotten me through these past months of muddling through these emotions. I just hope that once the 17th is gone, I can find a way to channel that younger Ashley. The one who had confidence and faith through each bone of her body. Maybe then I will be able to finish my next book. And then maybe I won't feel so alone.

Long Time No Blog - Getting Back On The Horse

I’ve sat here for like 11 minutes looking at a white blank screen. In 2 years I have written 5 blog posts, five. I don’t even know what to make of that. Memories in a Box had gotten up to quite a good bit of followers and now I have let her dwindle down to 72. Sad, just sad, that’s what I am experiencing. I am recommitting to blogging. I want to say 1 blog a week but you and I know that may not happen. So how about 1 every 2 weeks? I don’t want to blame it on being a mom, but it’s the truth. Motherhood is exhausting, being a wife is exhausting. Being a mother and a wife during COVID is damn near a mental health crisis. But that’s no excuse, no excuse for not taking time out of my insanity to sit down and do something for myself. 

I’ve been pondering that for a while now, time for myself. This is going to seem silly to some of you but I am really excited about it.

My college years were filled with me working my butt off to achieve my own personal greatness. My BBA in Economics was stellar, my overall ‘major’ GPA was a 3.88 and my overall ‘minor’ GPA in Poli-Sci 4.0. I came .005 points away from graduating Cum Laude. I mean, hell of an accomplishment. I was in the Poli Sci & general studies honor societies. I had so many expectations for myself. I spent a year working for Congressman Jim Turner as an intern my sophomore year. It was a fantastic experience. My hopes and dreams were set as high as the sky.

Not sure where my life turned off the road of dreams but sometime in 2006-2009 reality sank in and I knew I had to adjust my dreams. Time passed so quickly that I woke up one day and I accomplished nothing. And I still wake up today feeling that at times.

Solution - doing for myself. Putting numero uno first. 

Some may think, that must mean writing, or maybe reading more (because yeah reading books kinda stopped too), but you’re wrong. I am donating my time to my small town’s local boards. Helping with a couple things. It’s a once a month commitment, sometimes more, but it is fun for me. 

Our little town nestled outside of Houston really is amazing, I can’t say enough great things about it. And finding a way to give back to the people here is making me happy. I started slow, joining the Parks & Rec board. Had fun seeing how little things make a real difference in the lives of my neighbors. Now I added a second endeavor, Charter Review. It sounds like a big deal, seems like a big deal, and I hope, I can leave an impact. Our first meeting is coming up in just under 2 weeks and of course I am nervous. But it is a good nervous.

I told my husband back when we first started dating I had wanted to be in politics since I was 7 years old. then I fell in love with the study of Economics and it changed my whole life’s course. Well Econ has gotten me this far ... time to go back to my roots. 

So now I am going to become more involved in my little town. See how far it takes me. Who knows where it will go. I would like to run for City Council in 2022. Maybe Mayor in 2024 or 2026, who knows. I’m not even sure which year the mayor election is held I guess I should look that up before I’m out here typing it into the internet world. 

But I am doing this for me. Something unique to match a dream this little girl had back in 1990 when she looked up in awe while watching President Bush speak before the nation. I don't want to call this part of my Bucket List, but in some ways it is. Bucket Lists are goals and my goal has always been to be involved in helping shape the world around me.

I should also say I am serious about me going to start blogging more. Because lord knows there is a ton of crap on my mind and it would be nice to put it somewhere. But I can hear my dad’s voice in my head telling me if I am serious about maybe running in a couple years I should probably keep my thoughts to myself.

Guess time will tell if the world is ready for Ashley Nemer. I can be pretty fierce and it’s time to see that version of me out and about again.

Elevation - 1st 14 Days! How High Can Ya Go!

Holy Cow Batman!

Have you ever seen a house get raised in the air before? Well prior to Friday the 17th I hadn’t either. My husband and I bought a house in June that was apart of the FEMA Grant process for a house elevation. We had no idea what all would go into this process so when they showed up last Monday, we were in shock at the amount of dirt.

In just about three days we had amassed huge piles of dirt that I was sure would leave us with a mud bath everywhere. There were holes dug under our house for tunnels that spanned the entire house length.

 The dogs were going crazy, poor Toto & Doogie. What those two pups must be thinking as they watch this going on. Their favorite thing is to chase squirrels in the back yard and now they are only allowed out via leash. It’s really put a damper in their day, we can tell.

Not to mention that taking Doogie out for his 20 trips to go potty is really annoying, it’s the small things that get cha....

Then, the mud ... everything was going fine until Mother Nature decided she needed to have a rain storm. That’s when my pretty white tile floors got a paint job. All in brown.

Doggie foot prints, teenager shoe prints, husband boot tracks, my own imprints here and there. Mud and dirt literally everywhere. It was almost like there was no point in even moping because literally the next hour it would be back.

Talk about a pain in the butt!

But then ... the big day arrives ... Elevation day.

Our house flooded in Tropical Storm Allison in 2001 & Tax Day 2017.

  

The city applied for a grant and since our home had been apart of these tragic events from previous owners they were eligible for this program. We were lucky because the program was transferable when we purchased the house. It received 18 inches of rain inside during both events from what we were told. And the program requires homes to become elevated 18 inches above BFE. That’s how we ended up 44 inches in the air.

It was truly crazy watching. I was worried since it had been full of rain for almost a week. It was off and on rain, misty, and just kinda blah. So when I was told we were still on pace for elevating Friday it was a huge relief. Because the sooner we elevated the sooner the mud left my home.

I took video’s of the elevation, my kids even got to help. The company that performed the work, Planet Three Elevation has been really great. I can’t wait to see what the finished product will look like.

We were heartbroken when we lost the front shrubs in our yard, so the whole landscaping will be new for us. Since this is the first home we have owned we haven’t had to do this before. In some ways it is exciting because in a year whatever is growing will be what we did on our own.

Hopefully the project only has four more weeks left ... hopefully. They said as short as 45 days as most as 70, depending on the weather and complications.

It’s been one wild and crazy experience and it is only 13 days in so far. Can’t wait to see what the other 30 bring!

Take a gander at this video, it is amazing what technology can do. It really really is.

Happy Sunday! Go Chief’s!!

New Year, New Blog, Back in the Saddle

Wowzers it has been sometime since I posted a blog post. I hadn’t realized I let it lapse so much. I need to get back into the blogging world for sure. Maybe I will add that to my to do list this year. I’d love to say I will post once a week but we all know that it is hard to get back into the grove of things. But, I will try.

New for 2020 this year:
- New Job
- Home being elevated
- Resolved to lose weight and get healthier
- WILL write 2 new books at least

I’ll tell you what was hard, leaving my company after 10.5 years with them. I’m not big on change and that certainly didn’t come easy. I was super scared at what the possibilities ahead of me were going to be and I just didn’t know how it would all lay out.

After taking a leap of faith I started a new job at an Oil & Gas plant 1/6. It is a completely different job than I have done in the past. When I stopped to think about it the other day, it had been a solid 8 years since I learned a brand new totally new skill set. After two weeks there I have discovered that yes, change is good. It has allowed me to expand my wings and soar in a new way. I’m loving getting to know an industry I grew up all around and had family in, but never took a dive there myself.

Change is so hard but I am glad to see that it is working out.

Onto writing topics ... I am really trying to get Golden Hour done. I have 15,000 words in 5 chapters. It has literally taken me a year to write that far. Sad I know. Hoping that with pushing to do writing on my blog each week that will help with the creative juices so they get flowing that way I can do more. I really want to be able to wrap up this part of the Kemah Sunrise series by the end of February that way I can have my new book out by the Meet and Greet in April.

I remember a time when writing came so easily to me. It would pour out of me and 5,000 word days would be nothing hard to accomplish. Even 10,000 word Saturdays. Becoming a mom made that really difficult because, you know, kids are energy vampires.

The Ones Who Lived is still doing pretty decent at events. But I know I need to get another one out soon, especially to the Pasadena crowd. I’ve had several request but I just, ugh, writers block. I’m open to ideas if anyone wants to shoot them my way. I always love reader feedback.

For the moment I think this will wrap up my first post of 2020. I am working on a post about the elevation at my house. It is pretty crazy, I’ll get that one up in the next 48 hours, hopefully tomorrow. Goodnight and here’s hoping 2020 is my year for blogging again. That you readers who have stayed loyal over these years. It’s been a hell of a fun journey.

Just one day ... A special needs mom's thoughts

Not a typical blog post from me - but this is what's on my mind and I needed to get it out.

Special needs parenting is so hard. It’s almost like you’re stuck on an island where everyone can see you but no one can hear your screams or find a way to come and bring you back to civilization. Even when your spouse is an active participant, your two experiences and journeys are so different. So many low points where you feel that the beat down you just experienced is your low point, just to find out that no, in fact, it can and will get worse.

No one tells you how truly unbearable it can be at times.

Yet, every day we have to keep going. We have to wake up and try again, just to keep failing day after day. Talk about feeling insane, trying and doing the same stuff, different stuff, ANYTHING and expecting a new result. When will that ever actually happen?

Probably the hardest part of it all, that special needs child, doesn’t even realize what’s truly happening behind the scenes. Doesn’t mean to cause the trouble and drama, doesn’t understand why they are wrong.

This is what makes me feel guilty, how can I be angry when I can’t even know if he is comprehending.

I sit on this island daily, and it isn’t a pretty tropical one with warm sand between my toes and dolphins swimming in the sea. It’s an island of hell, one with thunder and lightning casting down rainstorms constantly. Lava shooting up under my feet if I take one wrong step. It’s an island where I can see the world going by, without me. I can see friends and family moving onto other things and adventures. Jobs off in the distance I can’t ever reach. Goals, loves, experiences just out of grasp because there is something wrapped around my ankle’s keeping me shackled.

Does anyone else feel this way? Who knows? I hate the online support groups, they make me feel so guilty for my feelings.

And you can’t talk to the people around you, because they will judge you. They will see how strict you have to be to keep order and control in your house and judge you. Judge your child, judge your family. Cast weary glances at you and your kid because you’re having a meltdown in a restaurant over carrots. Everyone is an enemy because they could hurt your child emotionally with judgment.

That’s the kicker. At the end of the day, no matter the hell you’re living, you still love that child more than anything in the whole world. You walk through that hell daily, for them, gladly to keep them safe. Never with regret, just with a lot of burden. Burden of the world constantly pushing against you. You’re the only defense that child has and that pressure builds up. Which brings back more guilt for feeling all of this anxious emotions.

I just want, no need, one day out of hell. One day to recharge, to live, to just, not have to carry the burden. I have a friend who says she will rest when she dies, I’m not her. I refuse to accept that. There has to be an easier way.

I just wish I knew what it was. I just wish, one day, that child knows how much was sacrificed so he could have a good life.

It isn’t all bad, but when it is, its hell. Maybe, soon, more good days will be on the rise.

Maybe I’ll get that one day…

Capt Marvel & Wonder Woman ... Is It Just Me?

Once again I feel conflicted with a superhero movie. At least this time my post isn't another bash of Superman because I so don't want to go back down that rabbit hole of crazy DC fans. However ... this Marvel movie, to me, didn't hold up to the enormous anticipation and hype that it received.

I can just picture my hubby's friend Alex giving me crap for this post, his eyes are rolling and he's shaking his head laughing at me for what I'm about to say. I swear I am not anti-women, I promise! But I just somehow cannot get on the bandwagon that 98% of the others in the female gender get on. Yes I love women empowerment and yes I love equal rights but I just ... ugh ... I did not feel like this movie was 'All That' for women.

Let me back up a bit and start with the meat and potatoes of the movie.

Overall I give this movie a solid B+/A-. I was not blown away by the movie. I believe I've said this before but I hold all movies to the same standard. The first superhero movie I was blown away with was Batman Begins with Christian Bale. I go into each and every superhero movie comparing it to that moment when I left the theater after Bale's performance that made me have that feeling of being blown away.

That did not happen in this movie. Much like Wonder Woman was for me I felt it was over hyped, just because it was a female lead, and we need more of those.

Overall I thought the acting was great, I really loved the lines and Jude Law was great, IMO. I think the plot was well developed and from start to finish I stayed engaged in the movie and never once was I bored. Now, Jude Law won't take the place in my heart as bad guy fav, Loki will always hold that, but his character I really did enjoy.

That being said, I just thought it was 'okay', it wasn't amazing, it wasn't Oscar winning, it was just a good movie. Now the soundtrack, that was my jam!

Sometimes I worry that there must be something wrong with me because these 'women' driven movies just don't do it for me. I am not the type of strong female who believes I can do EVERYTHING a man can do. I would make a horrible construction worker, I can't lift 100 pounds consistently. I wish I could pee standing up at ease while camping. I can't do a lot of things that men can do, and men should do. We have different roles for a very good reason. But this is a rant for another day.

However, I don't really feel like Capt Marvel or Wonder Woman for that matter, were shoving down our throats a feminist agenda. I felt like both movies were balanced and while they had female leads they weren't anti-men. Both movies had male co-stars to help their story along. I loved that part of both movies because I know for me, I do need a man, my partner! That's why I got married.

Both of the movies were good for any movie standard. Now WW on the other hand compared to almost all of the DC movies was by far one of the best. (My Fav order is the 3 with Bale then WW) I really need to do a podcast with Alex over this stuff to explain myself better. But CM just did not blow me away. It is one of my least favorite Marvel movies

I did a Google search to see if it was 'okay' to not love CM. Good to know it is allowed.

It would be easier to talk about it in a not so favorable light if the acting or writing had sucked but it's a Marvel movie so you know it was top notch on those aspects.

Sorry I know I am rambling and probably not making a lot of sense with how I felt about these two movies but either way, I do think what they are doing for women is a great thing. Specifically the younger women of this world.

The best part of both of these movies was my daughter Sierra. The look in her eyes as she watched these characters becoming strong and invincible gave me hope for her, hope she can have her own hero to look up too. But I don't think there is anything wrong with girls looking up to Batman, Superman, Iron Man or Thor as awesome people too.

I truly think that we put to much into these fake characters as 'hero's'. Teachers, police officers, doctors, MOTHERS & FATHERS should be the real hero's in the young generations lives. But that's a rant for another time.

Obviously this isn't a review ... but just a compilation of thoughts on where the direction of movies and our society may be going.

Infinity War had me in tears, that movie blew me away. Part of me is annoyed that now this chick, someone we have only had in our 'theatrical lives' for a couple months, is going to come and save the day. When The Guardians & The Avengers have been with us for what, hell, over a decade? No offense to Carol Danvers but she just came to the table and now she is going to save the world? Kinda annoys me.

What about Black Widow, her and Hawk Eye should have their own movies .. maybe they couldn't carry a full 2 hours alone but still ... This chick is new to the scene and now she's going to steal the show.

Like I said I know this is a very odd blog and I'm sorry, Alex don't come down to hard on me! You and Tony can, I'm sure, come up with many reasons I am wrong and I look forward to that discussion later on. But for now ... I'm just disappointed at how the feminist way of things is putting so much pressure on these female lead movies. There is nothing wrong with ensemble casts & there are women already in the Marvel world that would have been great to have save the day, not this new chick to the story.

And yes I realize if I read the comics then she wouldn't be 'new' she would already be part of my world. But I am not a comic reader I am a movie go-er.

So that's my two cents for this week ... Hope I don't end back up on those shit lists from the Comic Lovers again ... although that was a fun summer ... so ah well if it does happen.

You know what superhero I really miss ... Hugh Jackman. #BringBackWolverine ... 

A Broken Faith ...

For about a week now I have been in a mental battle between what I see in reality vs the faith that I had grown up on.

I tell my children all the time it isn’t the words you say it’s the actions ... and when I apply that to the world at large I am not sure what to do with my observation.

My faith feels shaken to it’s core.

I was born and raised Catholic, when we adopted our children I passed that faith onto them. In a lot of ways teaching them about God and Catholicism truly helped the adoption process move along and I honestly can say it was part of the reason the adoption was successful. Faith is something each person has to build for themselves and it takes years to form.

And just seconds to crumble.

Like most humans I’ve had my own personal faith tested numerous times. Each time something new and challenging came up to block how I feel about God and organized religion. This time though it feels different. It feels, devastating. Specifically with the organization as a whole.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve had issues with the physical place of worship I attend. Back in 2007 when I had to make the decision, my life vs continuing the pregnancy, a lot of guilt plagued me, and still does to this day. Because I am here now, you know what choice I made. I went to confession to cleanse my broken soul and the priest that I spoke to, he made it worse. He didn’t act as God’s representative he acted as a foolish man and he hurt my faith and belief in God himself. From 2007 through 2014 I couldn’t attend church without shedding tears continuously throughout Mass. In 2013 my mentor told me to call Prince of Peace and ask to receive counseling from one of her priests. Father Sebastian, he truly healed my broken soul in regards to the 2007 incident.

As a result when we were given our blessings in 2015 with the children, I immediately began the indoctrination of Catholicism and teaching them all the ways us as Catholics can and should live.

Because my son is special needs he wasn’t able to attend the RCIA classes like the typical person would. Instead we did it all at home. It was special, it was reverent, it was sacred. But through this process he still managed to become close spiritually with the main priest of POP.

A priest that is now on the active investigation list. A priest that targeted young boys, a priest I left alone with my son.

I don’t know how to get over that, that last sentence. I can’t stop thinking that these children were a gift from God, a gift I prayed and begged for. And in turn I led my child to a situation that could have turned bad. Worse given the fact my children were traumatized already once in their lives.

I always thought that as a mother I would instinctively know what was best for my children and have the ability to protect them from true danger. This whole situation with the Galveston-Houston dioceses just shows me I really can’t. And that scares me.

Once again the physical place of worship I made apart of my life and my children’s life has let me down. I know that everyone who makes up the church is human and to fall from grace is something humans can and will do. But how do I recover from that? How do I look my kids in the eyes and say “You are safe here, you can worship and be safe” when now I don’t even know if that is true?

My son took the news of his priest very hard. My daughter is angry, my son is heartbroken.

And if this wasn’t bad enough, a priest from my own past who is now the Cardinal in the area, he covered it up in 2018 when he was made aware of the situation. Didn’t investigate just said it wasn’t true. How do I look past that? Look past someone I thought was more than just the leader of an individual church but the leader of millions.

People I know have been saying for the past two years that the Church is going to be exposed for his sexual issues with children. Now I knew it happened I have read the reports in other parish’s but, I didn’t really get it. I didn’t believe that it would be possible for my faith to come crashing down.

Now I wonder what the Pope actually does know. I wonder if everything my mom has been telling me since President Trump’s election to office if it is true.

I wonder what I have to put my belief’s in.

What I know is true, I Believe in a higher power. I believe Jesus walked this earth. I believe in the miracles he performed. I do Believe in him.

But maybe that’s where it stops for now ... because how can I believe in an institution that continues to push child abuse under the rug? It’s different now. I see what abuse does to a child. It isn’t just a phantom thought or concept in my head anymore. I see my children and their suffering at the hands of others.

So what do I do now with these feelings? I’m back to that lost 20 something in 2007 where my core foundation is shattered. Except this time I don’t think turning to God and counseling is my answer.

I don’t know what is. And this time I have the added burden of being a mom. My children’s spiritual leader. Do I fake it for them or do I give the honesty. Tell them ‘Mom doesn’t know what to believe anymore.”

My mentor told me this is the devil’s work and it is his attack on our religion. He’s probably right. But I don’t know how to fight this battle. Because at the end of the day I led my son and daughter into a situation that could have re-injured their world forever. And there is no forgiving or forgetting that. I misread someone, I didn’t follow my very first gut emotion, I blindly followed.

How can I do that ever again? 

2018 Wrap Up!

It’s that time of year, when I list my top 5’s for Books, Movies and Other Stuff! Like last, this 2018 year flew by in a blur. As always I am going to start with books because that’s what I enjoy most!

Top 5 Books

This year I felt like there was more ‘average’ books than ‘outstanding’ books that I read. Two off the top of my were out of this world and the others were very high in the ‘I would read again’ column.

Earlier in the year I read Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. For almost all of the year this was the only book that truly blew me away. It was way better than the movie, and that’s saying a lot I enjoyed the movie. This book gave such vivid detail you felt like you were apart of the world and you didn’t want to leave. Adult or teen this book is one you will enjoy!

It wasn’t until two weeks ago when the second book of the year blew me away. This was one that was extremely unexpected. Live Long and ... What I Learned Along the Way by William Shatner & David Fisher completely caught me off guard. Not only do I normally avoid nonfiction and autobiographical books but I also avoid books that teach a lesson. I just usually can’t get into them. I selected this one for the simple reason I needed to hit my 115 books and it was available on the Libby Library App. Well I am so glad I did because this book was hands down the best read of 2018 for me. It felt like the authors were speaking directly to me! Add in that Shatner himself was narrating and this one was a knock them out of the park success! You HAVE to give it a try. His message is outstanding.

Justin Cronin has a series, The Passage that I’ve written about before. I read book 1 years ago and book 2 & 3 this year. It’s book 3 that really did it for me. The City of Mirrors. As a reminder this was the series that I didn’t realize was a vampire series. This took place a lot on Texas in book 3, specifically the area of Houston where I work, so that was really neat to see how it was all portrayed in the apocalypse. This is a longer book series, they are quite thick and require investing a lot of time. When I look at all 3 books as a whole I really am glad I took the time to read them. If you want a book series that is fantasy with some paranormal but not in an ‘in your face’ sort of way and without all the sex that surrounds vampires usually, this is the book series for you!

Now I can’t remember in the past if I have included A.L. Kessler in my annual wrap up. I try to not show favoritism towards authors who are my friends. But, she has these two series out, cozy mystery & apocalyptic series, that I absolutely adore. The first book Rabbits Out of Hats in her cozy mystery really keeps you smiling. It was so light and fun that the pages practically turned themselves. Then her series Children of the Apocalypse I really really love. I forgot I read this book earlier in this year, I thought I read it last year. Book 3 Behold Death. You have these teens who eventually have to take over their father’s jobs as the powers that keep the world balanced. For instance, death, the grim reaper. It really makes you wonder sometimes if elements like this actually real. If you’re looking for either of these types of series books Amy is the way to go. I love her work, and I’m not just saying that because she is a friend.

Last I feel the need to group these two authors into the same post. While they are two different series they both impacted me the same way. They are huge successes in their fields and if I could ever have their kind of success I would consider it a blessing. They each have cozy mystery series that are just good easy books to read. I gave almost all of them 4 stars because they didn’t blow me away but they did make me keep reading more and more. Sue Grafton & Janet Evanovich each have these sassy women characters that I loved tremendously. Sue Grafton I read all of her books, A through Y, in her mystery series and Janet Evanovich I had read 20 out of 26 Stephanie Plum books. Overall really great reads if you’re into cozy mysteries!

Moving onto movies ... this was a bit easier. 

When I look at movies I just loved for the sake of lovin’ the movie the first one that comes to mind is Bright with Will Smith. This was a Netflix movie that I have watched a few times this year and really really loved! It was different and enjoyable beyond my expectations. Will Smith plays a cop character who was hurt in the line of duty because of a ‘minority species’. The conflict resolution of the movie really was excellent with how the characters wrapped up each of their issues. I hope there is a sequel.

Next would have to be Infinity Wars. I cried In the first 10 minutes when Loki was slaughtered. I know most people who saw it had to of cried! It was SO emotional. I look forward to the next movie where we see what happens after Thanos has to live with his decisions. Hopefully it doesn’t make me cry again.

Instant Family is a movie based on a real family, a couple who decided to adopt older children, three siblings. This movie was so well done. It spoke directly to my family. Every single thing that happened in the movie applied to the first 6 months of my children living in our house after the State placed them with us. I spent the entire movie crying, I mean just crying. It was so real and vivid. If you ever, ever, thought about adoption or wondered what it was like for families who have to build themselves in a non-traditional way, go see this movie. It was hands down, amazing. Best movie of 2018.

Peter Rabbit jumps out at me next. That movie was fun and very enjoyable with my husband and kids. We have watched it a few times on television just to pass the time doing something the whole family can enjoy together.

Last but not least, Deadpool 2. I don’t think I need to say anything else. Everyone knows Ryan Reynolds is always good for an enjoyable time and a good laugh when he don’s the DP suit. Great movie series, I hope they don’t push it to far with a DP3 that doesn’t live up to it’s 1 & 2 counter parts.

Now I want to talk about some movie let down’s. I know I am probably in the minority on these and I refrained from posting review but I still felt strongly.

Black Panther this movie just didn’t do it for me, I think of all the MCU movies this is my least favorite. Granted I still like’d it way more than most of the DC universe so I’m not saying it was crap! It was still a good movie I just didn’t enjoy it as much as I felt like I should have. And in a similar notion, AquaMan, I was bored through this whole movie. Yes he is a good looking man and yes his muscles should make all women melt at his feet. But, I need more than a half naked hottie running around I need some meat to the plot and this plot just didn’t do it for me. I was also kind of bored in the latest Fantastic Beasts. But of the three movies just mentioned I liked it the most.

I’m going to add the theater plays to this list. For the few years my husband and I have been frequenting Theater Under The Stars and I think some are worth noting here. This year in 2018 I saw Bright Star, Memphis, Oklahoma, The Wiz, and Beauty and the Beast. I let my daughter go to Hamilton instead so I missed out on that one. Of these 5 Bright Star & Oklahoma were my top two with Beauty and the Beast narrowly missing the #2 spot. I have probably seen about 20, maybe 25 plays & musicals as an adult and sometimes it is just amazing to me how these actors and actresses perform. We have started taking our kids with us to the theater, trying to expose them to culture. They are loving it as well. I highly recommend Theater Under the Stars to anyone in Houston!!

Well I think this is a good recap of the movies, books and others that encompassed my 2018. I’m curious if you agree or disagree with these titles. I’m looking forward to next year but I think the one change I am going to do ... reduce my reading goal. 115 books was just too much pressure! Haha. Happy New Years people of the blogger world.

   

** Side note, I am having technical difficulties with my IPad that is why none of the titles are in italics. Please forgive me. **

A 7 Year Old's Impression ... My Memory of 41

Being President of the United States gives a few lucky men the opportunity to influence so many youth on a mass scale. In a time when the country is now mourning the loss of 41, everyone is in a state of reflection. I’m no different. I don’t remember President Regan even though he was the president when I was born. President Bush was the first that I actually remember. And remembering him is one of the memories I have as a young child that sticks out most vividly in my mind.

There are few others like the birth of my brother, the Challenger exploding, Reading Rainbow in 1^st grade and then, President Bush addressing the nation.

I can’t remember if I was flying to Houston or flying home from Houston, but I remember President Bush. I was at the airport with my mom sitting with our luggage in Kansas City when President Bush was on the television. I remember looking up and seeing him talking to the nation. I don’t remember what it was about, maybe the Gulf War given the time period. But I remember him, and the Seal of the United States. As a young girl I was awe struck by the sight. Here was a man, powerful, strong, and capturing.

It was in that very moment that a young 7 (maybe I was 8) girl decided she was going to be a lawyer and then one day President herself. From that moment on every decision I made was with the goal of serving my country in politics. And it was a goal I intended to keep.

But like every dream of a young kid, life changes in college. I took a Macro-Economics class at Sam Houston State University and the rest was history. Law school no more, Business and Economics for me.

That doesn’t change the fact that I vividly remember looking at the screen and watching the President. I remember looking around the airport and adults were all focused on what he was saying. It was an amazing moment that I will never forget, seeing the power of one man, a man who stopped people in their tracks when he spoke.

Like President Bush I wasn’t born in Houston but I do call it my home. I’m proud to have shared a city with him, him and his wife. Watching her funeral earlier this year was sad, tears were shed and it was heartbreaking to see the President without his life partner. This week’s services are sure to bring more tears to my eyes as the country honors a man who gave his life for the good of our people.

I wished I would have gotten to meet President and Mrs. Bush. I’ve heard how nice they were. My heart felt sincerest condolences goes out to the entire Bush family. I hope that I can find a way to make it to visit the President at his church on Wednesday evening.

I wish I had better words to describe the impact he left on a young 7 year old girl back in Kansas City … but I just can’t muster anymore than I have.

Rest in Peace President Bush – your impact on our world will be felt for many more generations to come.

A New Hope - A Stem Cell Journey

As a person who suffers from chronic issues I am like many out there, always searching for that cure that takes away the pain. In early August, while I was at a stop light, a teenager backed into my car. It was a minor accident with unexpected results.

In 2009, while I was on one of my fitness kicks, I ended up needing back surgery on my L5 & S1. Talk about a pain, wowzers. But once the surgery happened and the bone fragment was removed, I was all better. I had fallen while in the middle of a ‘boot camp’ running course. Well, as you know, once you have back pains it is easy to become reinjured and that’s what happened.

I don’t completely understand the mechanics of kinetic energy and the transference of it but what I do know, my back and shoulder hurt after my car took a rocking when the kid backed into me. My right shoulder was killing me, I was laying on the horn with my arm extended fully on impact. Looking back I can see why that was a dumb decision, I should have been more relaxed and maybe the impact wouldn’t have jarred me so much.

Two and a half months later I’m at the point in my recovery that it’s either surgery to repair the herniated disc that happened or live with the pain. The law firm that I hired suggested I try stem cells.

Not sure if you all know much about stem cells but that is something that my husband and I have researched. I first really got interested in it after hearing a Joe Rogan podcast with Mel Gibson when they were discussing how it has helped them or their family members. I knew about the controversy of it with embryos and abortions but what I didn’t know was all the different ways you could actually acquire them.

And that’s where this new journey begins. When it was suggested I said absolutely, I don’t want anymore surgeries. Remember I am just 18 months out of my hysterectomy which took a large toll on my body. Not to mention I am the mom of a special needs son who requires a lot of my attention. I don’t have the capacity to be down for any length of time.

I went into my consultation with the orthopedic surgeon who administers the stem cells on a Tuesday. He was informing me of the different successes he personally has felt by the stem cells and some of the others he has witnessed. Once the exam was done and all of the questions were answered they went to get the infusion.

The doctor told me that the auto-immune issues I suffer from should have healing results within 72 hours and my back would take 3 weeks to 6 months to heal. I was game, this sounded like a miracle. But like any medical instant gratification I was skeptical. I’ve suffered from chronic pain for so long sometimes it’s hard to remember what life without pain is like. But, I’m always up for an attempt.

The infusion took twenty minutes, and fifteen of them were trying to find a vein. It was painless and very easy. Then I went home. I felt a little high about an hour afterwards. I’ve not been high in real life so it was what I assumed being high felt like. It is really hard to explain but I told my husband I just felt odd.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt significantly less pain. It was like wow, this has to be a placebo, no way it worked this fast. Within 48 hours I was virtually pain free. It was amazing. Here is a list of all the things that I noticed changing within the first FOUR days.

- My lower back pain has been reduced at least 90%. I still have some twinges of pain when I move wrong but, I am not in constant pain. When the pain does hit, it vanishes just as quick as it came.

- My sleep has improved. Probably because my back isn’t in pain. The past month (prior to the infusion) I had to take steroids when I woke up in order to function and move around. Because the disc are pressing on nerves. It’s been two and a half week’s and I have only taken 1 5MG steroid. I was taking 10-15/day for a while there just to ease the pain, not get rid of it.

- My right wrist, as you may know or may not, in the 90’s I was in Martial Arts. Which included board breaking. Well I was as stubborn then as I am now and didn’t always follow my instructors advice. During board breaking with a palm heel strike I choose to not listen. My right wrist has hurt ever since, for TWENTY years. Within 48 hours it was PAIN FREE!

- When I woke up Saturday, just 4 days after, I thought I was crazy. I’ve had double vision damn near my whole life. It’s gone. I mean, there is a touch of it still, but it isn’t noticeable at all. My glasses have prism’s inside them and now I can’t wear them because they hurt my eyes too much. I had issues with my eyes auto-focusing and now that seems gone too. I do still feel like the astigmatisms  is there. My eyes feel like they still need some assistance I just can’t go in yet to see how much. Because I can tell they are still changing.

- My Eye Thyroid Disease, an auto-immune disorder, feels way less. I no longer am experiencing the pressure around my eyes. I don’t have the constant need to apply pressure to ease the tension in my eyebrows or just over my eye lids. It’s crazy.

- Sjogren Syndrome, another auto-immune disease, seems better. This causes dry eyes and dry mouth. If anyone of you ever ate with me you would know the amount of water I generally consume in a meal is easily 4-5 large cups. I easily drank 160 ounces of water a day. Over the last week (remember I’m at 2.5 weeks out now) I can tell a major decrease in my water craving. I also notice my eyes seem to not be as dry. Which is such a relief!

- Rheumatoid Arthritis pain in my joints is gone. You heard me, gone. My left ankle has been giving me non-stop problems since April 2017 and now, nothing. Thank God! My left foot and right wrist have been a constant pain which of course required horrible medication for. I gained almost 60 pounds on the RA medication in 4 months. So now I am just praying I can reverse all that with this infusion seeming to have helped the RA so much.

There has been one unexpected consequence from the stem cells that I am working to fix. My eyes now have a different pain, pain from the light. It’s like they are very very sensitive and I didn’t see that coming. My glasses had transition lenses so they protected me from the sun or other bright lights. Now because I can’t wear them my eyes are left exposed. My husband bought me some very nice sunglasses with that wonderful UV protection which instantly eased the pain. Now if I could just walk around indoors wearing them without looking crazy I’d be all set.

This has truly been a wild experience. I went in for help with my lower back and not only did I receive it, but I had so many other happy windfalls of side effects. What a gift!

What really has me complexed about all of this though is, why isn’t it covered under insurance to begin with? Just think if we could all get an infusion of this to help aid in the cure of so many different things, it would save thousands of dollars.

I will never understand the insurance world, and I don’t know that I want to. They would rather profit than see people succeed. This stem cell treatment, it’s a success. I can’t wait to see how my back feels in a month or two more months. It would be wonderful to not have those shooting nerve pains racing down my left leg. Or the need to flinch every time I stand up. 90% relief is a huge thing, but I guess time will tell if I can get to 100%.

I am going to document this journey because I think it’s important for people to know what options they have out there. Because people suffer daily, and maybe this could help.

The Doctor’s name is Dr. Henry Small - here is his website. https://drhenrysmall.com/  

Happy Birthday Blood Purple!

6 years ago today I became an officially published author. It was a huge deal for me to accomplish this, as it would be for anyone. My parents joined me for dinner that night to celebrate along with my hubby & two of my best friends. The writing community had welcomed me and it was the beginning. The beginning of my dreams coming true. It was by far one of the most memorable moments in my life, right up there with my wedding day, my children's adoption day, my graduation days, and the day I received my black belt in martial arts.

When moments happen in life that change you forever, you tend to remember those. Writing had always been an outlet for me, that wasn't anything new. The new part was letting the world read my writings, letting my work become judged, putting myself out there, exposed.

It's kind of like having that nightmare where you show up to school naked, everyone points and laughs. That's sort of what I was afraid of, when releasing BLOOD PURPLE. I was petrified I would be shunned.

I didn't understand why I had such trouble in English growing up. Grammar, spelling, conjugating sentences, you name it, I sucked. But what I could do was write a hell of a good story. I was very creative. In my debate class I wrote original oratory and the best part, no grammar involved as it was a speech. I loved it and I really enjoyed the whole process. I look at my writing sort of like that. The main difference is people DO see the written words this time around.

But, I took the risk. I sent my manuscript off. The first company I sent it to was an England based publisher who liked it, but didn't publish books in the genre I wrote so they suggested I find a small press who did. I next sent it to a small publishing house in Canada. I ended up contracting 3 books with them before it was over.

If I knew then what I knew now, I would still choose to not go into indie publishing straight away. I learned a lot signing with two publisher's. I ended up actually having 4 books total with small press before I went completely indie. Both publishers taught me something different and I am glad that I had that opportunity to learn.

The Faces Of Blood Purple

My debut novel has had a couple face lifts. I remember when I was emailed the original cover, I cried. I had thought it was the coolest thing since sliced bread! haha. Oh what did I know back then, I sold a lot that first month so hey, guess it had something right!

I have always had an affinity for swords and in my mind this book was represented best by my weapon of choice. I was once asked if I had any sword training in my martial arts and I hate that the answer is no. I would love to someday acquire sword training, if nothing, just to say I could do it.

Don't get me started on the idea of making my own sword, oh boy! One day my hubby will have his own forge shop for stuff like this, once we can retire on my novel revenue, LOL. Then I will make the KADIN sword.

I can picture it perfectly in my mind ...

When I separated with XOXO Publishing I had asked a friend who did graphic art to help make a cover. As you can see, once again, the sword is present.

"I'm not just a princess, I am a warrior." I love that quote. It gave me shivers when I wrote it the first time and every time I read it since then I still feel the goosebumps. Nikole in so many ways was me. Is me.

She's flawed, she's doubtful, she's scared. But she is also strong, loyal and willing to do what it takes to survive.

She's a warrior.

I love her, and everything about this character.

Many times in a books life cycle there comes a time when the author needs to re-brand. My sales had sort of died off and I wanted to change all of my covers. This time the sword came back to the focal point, and the blood, I love the blood.

The cover is similar yet different and I think it catches the eye.

This has been the cover I've used longest and yep, you've guest it, it's time for a new cover to come out.

That probably won't happen for a while as life is pretty hectic right now and I don't exactly know what all I want in it. I toss ideas back and forth in my head but I am sure you know the one thing that will for sure be present.

The sword.

When it's all said and done BLOOD PURPLE is at the core of my writing. I cut my teeth on the Algula world and there is nothing I would change about the characters or the stories. I think they are perfect as is.

I would however change some of the editing jobs that transpired back in 2012 but at some point you have to just accept, this was a first novel, there are mistakes. That's one thing as an indie author, I control the editing. With the publisher the editing went kind of haywire and I know that there are still issues left over from that first job.

But that's okay. I feel like the story can still stand on it's own, especially compiled with the other three books in the series. So I just have let it go.

Happy Birthday BLOOD PURPLE! You launched my writing career, you gave me something to be proud of as an adult, and you continue to give me courage to write, as often as I can.

One day you will be a household name, like Anne Rice, Twilight & True Blood. But until then, just know, you will always be my favorite set of characters, deep in my heart.

To Nikole, Zayn, Leigh, Haydar, Derrik, Dominic, Alec, Adara, Nasir & Mehmet - Happy 6 Years of literary life. Here's to another 6 more! Maybe by then you will all be on the big screen and then who knows what will happen from there.

If you haven't already checked out the Blood Series you can click the link below, happy readings! BLOOD PURPLE ebook is ALWAYS Free ....

Pick Me Up Here!

New Release Day: The Ones Who Lived

Order your Copy Here

Blurb:

Anthony and Amelia are regular teens with regular issues, that is, until one day after school they arrive home to find their lives are changing forever. No one knows what causes it, but all of the adults are dead. The only ones left are the young and teenagers. Together, with the help of their best friend Sam and his cousin Sunny, they have to learn to survive and make it through to the next day.

What will happen when their new community is under attack and they have to learn to trust complete strangers? The Ones Who Lived will either come out alive or die fighting.

Hey there! Once again it's release day and this new series, The Ones, is quite different! This is my 20th published completed story and my 23rd story. I cannot believe I have written so much in just 7 years!!

My daughter had asked me to create a story for her, and since she is a teen, I went with Young Adult. For the most part the only YA I read is dystopian and one thing I always wondered, what happens when the apocalypse actually starts? We all have read the stories where they take place years into the future of the dystopian culture, but I have never read that moment when it all happened.

Last year my family vacationed in Saint Pete's Florida to visit my cousin who was graduating high school. It was on this trip that my husband and I started tossing around ideas for the game plan on how a bunch of adults were going to become killed off.

Let me tell you, there was quite the debate going through our little clan on why the adults would die. I'm not going to spoil it for you as you gotta read the book to find out what the actual killing catalyst is, but I can tell you, my hubby was crazy with his ideas.

I will give you this much, my hubby wanted the cause of death to be sex. Mind you, this was meant to be a YA book, so how would I get a bunch of kids to read it if I was promoting 'sex kills'? Craziness. Anyway ....

Lucky for the reading audience I can safely say SEX is not the cause of death! Whew!

There is no secret that witch craft is among the topic in this world. You find out quickly that one of the main characters is a witch! What we don't know, including me the author, is how deep into the witch craft this series will take us. I haven't decided yet. I love bad guys, as many of you already know. Part of me really wants book 2 to be a 'bad guy' book which would then let us explore all about the coven's we see in the epilogue. Who knows what will happen, certainly not me!

You all know I am a pantser and any idea of 'planning' makes me uncomfortable! So the next in the series will just have to be a surprise for all of us.

What I really loved about writing this story was the challenges it gave me. I wanted to make sure it was 'easy' enough for teens to read without making the topics too far over their heads. I also needed to make it 'clean'. Which, if you know my writing, sex and cussing typically come up in  a lot of my fiction. The worst word I use is 'crap' and if I remember right only a handful of times. There are a couple, and I mean just a couple, of kissing scenes. My daughter says there needs to be more romance in book 2!

But this was very much geared towards the younger reading population, I would say 7th through 12th grade mostly. That doesn't mean adults won't enjoy it. Each of the Beta Readers who gave me feedback all were very pleased with the story and how everything fell into place. One reader told me she didn't think it was a YA novel because it could apply to anyone. So that was very good feedback, I wanted to make sure everyone could attach to the characters.

I am hoping to start book two by January or February that way it can release again in September. That's the only plan I have currently, we will see how it goes!

I can't wait for all of you to go out and read it, tell me your thoughts! It really is a lot of fun and I know you will enjoy it.

See you all soon!

P.S. If you want a signed print copy I have a few more left from the Pre-Orders, I'll be placing another order in the next week or so. You can email me at: ashley@ashleynemer.com. Hardback Orders will be $18.99 plus $3 media mail shipping and Paperback orders will be $8.99 plus $3 media mail shipping (US & US Territories Only for $3).

A History Lesson

Tuesday night I asked my daughter, “You know about 9/11 right” and her response broke my heart. She had no idea at all, 14 in 8^th grade, and no clue about what thrust the U.S.A. into the war on terror. Last night I asked my son the same question and his reply, more accurate than hers, “That’s what started our war right” made me realize that I needed to do some serious history lessons at home.

Both kids sat down with me and I pulled up a Youtube video of one of the ABC news posts right after the first plane hit the tower. I watched them absorb the newscast. It was a seven minute long video that ended with the second plane attacking. We pulled up the next video, plane #2.

Next, we watched Alan Jacksons, “Where were you” video.

Sierra shed tears, she looked up at me and asked, “Mom, why would anyone do that?”

How do I even answer that when I don’t fully understand it myself? I told her, “Because the terrorist, they hate America and everything we stand for. Freedom, rights, and equality. Everything our flag stands for.”

Aaron reached his arm out and grabbed my left hand. He held onto it as the song kept playing. When the music ended no one said anything for two or three minutes.  Aaron quietly said, “Why would they kill themselves as a bomb?”

“I don’t know Aaron, they think it’s what God wants.”

Sierra’s hazel eyes looked up from the screen to look at me, tears coating her lashes, “God doesn’t want people to kill for him!”

“No Sierra, he doesn’t.”

Why hadn’t they learned about this before? Why wasn’t it discussed in schools? I did a Google search asking that exact question and apparently in Texas it’s left until High School to get into the deep topic of 9/11 and terrorism.

How is this not part of “American History” in 8^th grade? We teach about WW1 & WW2 in 7^th grade Texas History, why not 9/11 in American History?  Or why isn’t it discussed more when religion is taught? I remember my daughter learning about different religions around the world and how they all interact with one another in her 6^th grade social studies class. Shouldn’t they teach about the downfalls to extreme religions (any religion) and what perceptions can cause? How religion at the base is a good thing but all good things can be used as a weapon if abused?

My kids asked what I was doing when 9/11 happened. I remember it like yesterday.

I was in my dorm room at Sam Houston State University asleep. My roommate was in our bathroom getting ready for her 1^st period class, I think it was biology, and I was just starting to wake up. The news was on, the twin towers were on the screen and smoke was burning. Just as I cleared my eyes I saw the second plane hitting the tower, fire engulfing those floors.

I will never forget where I was, but I can’t believe children don’t really know about this event at all. Their entire lives have been framed in the 9/11 era.

Students are growing up in the world of Arab/Muslim hate, ‘Muslim Ban’s’ or however else you want to frame it. And they don’t even understand why the word “Muslim” is even a hot button or how Isis even came to be. Why are our soldiers in the Middle East? Why do young men and women come home injured or worse, gone from this life?

Because of 9/11. Because of decisions we made shortly after those attacks. Because of decisions we made before 9/11.

Because of hate.

My question is, if people are so scared of history repeating itself, why aren’t our students taught about it more? Taught on what hate, racism, sexual bias lead to?

This just makes me sad, makes my heart cry.

It has been a while since I composed a blog and I thought today I needed to. I needed my outlet to let my feelings flow.

It makes me sad my kids don’t know about the history of my country, a country I love. A country my grandfather’s proudly served in, a country I proudly call mine. I don’t want my children growing up thinking Muslim’s are bad. I have friends that are Muslim’s and every one of them are wonderful human beings, just like my friends who are Jewish or Wiccan and agnostic. If I don’t want my children growing up and potentially following someone’s footsteps of hate I need to make sure I am teaching them about the past.

9/11 wasn’t history for me, but I am starting to see how it has become history now.

Next on my list is December 7^th. I’ll be teaching them about Pearl Harbor and how America stepped into WWII officially because of the bombs. And what that lead to, the destruction of so many lives.

We have to teach these kids history … we have to stop the hate. How do we keep our precious babies safe? When you have that answer please let me know.

Another Fad .... Giving Up All Sugar

Well it’s that time again ... the time when I roll my eyes at the effort, results and overall well being of the attempt that was given at healthy living. Long time followers of the blog know that auto-immune issues plague my system and that makes life super super hard when it comes to weight management.

People look at someone who is overweight, especially women, and think they are lazy or they must over eat or that they just don’t care. Well I am going to run through with you what I consume on a typical day and you can tell me if you think I am over eating.

Weekdays
Breakfast - 2-3 eggs either scrambled with cheese or hard boiled along with a banana
Morning snack - String cheese
Lunch - 1 serving of lunch meat (6 slices) I take those slices and break them into 2’s and roll them with a slice of Colby jack cheese. I also have 1-2 small orange (cuties) and then another string cheese. 2 ounces of peanut butter and 1/2 a cup of baby carrots
Afternoon snack (or at lunch if I am super hungry) - Another fruit, either strawberries (5 of them), peach, plums, nectarine, etc.
Dinner - I serving of meat and 1-2 vegetable servings. If one of the servings is a potato I never add rice to the meat dish. If I want rice with the meat I have two non - starch veggies (carrots, green beans, broccoli, peas, etc.)
I also drink 140-160 ounces of water a day.

So tell me ... is that too much food? Am I over eating? Sometimes if I am feeling really daring I will add a vanilla pudding at lunch just for fun. My co-worker thinks I am starving myself with this food intake, he thinks I’m crazy.

This has been my exact diet for idk, maybe 3 months now. Keep in mind I’ve done the 100% gluten free, 100% processed sugar free, 100% vegan, 100% vegetarian and now this adaptation ... I try to limit my gluten to eating out since I dont really buy it at home except for bread for the kids. I also don’t drink milk. The only milk I get is in the cheese. I’m down 10 pounds total and that is including all the crappy meds the docs shove inside me to assist with weight loss.

People can call it excuses all they want but life is hard for someone with all these auto immune diseases. In all the diets what I do know has helped me actually feel better are two diets, the gluten free and the insulin-resistance diet. And that diet is super easy to follow. It is all about balance. If you have 1 serving of carbs you have at least 1 serving of protein to balance it out with and no more than 2 servings of carbs per meal. I try to follow that 100% of the time. Which is why I always have cheese with my fruit. And when I say servings I mean legit servings. I measure so much out. And your protein : carb ratio has to be 7:30.

So now my husband and one of my best friends have challenged me to go 14 days at 100% sugar free. That means no fruit. I am pretty sure I may die and suffer a painful death from this. Not because there is no cookies or no Dr Pepper or any of that ... but because I can’t have my fruit! As you can see I am getting in 3-4 servings of fruit a day and it is a true staple in my life. Now I will have to give that up.

I am tired of all the medications I have to take and I am willing to try anything to see if it helps me. My husband went sugar free and lost 50 pounds really quickly and my friend doing this is at almost 30 pounds now and she looks great.

So I am going to give this fad a try for 14 days starting Monday. I told her I am probably going to end up super bitchy over this ... so we will see.

So my meals are going to look like this .... blah!
Breakfast - 2-3 boiled eggs
Snack - string cheese
Lunch - meat & cheese roll, celery, cream cheese for dipping,
Snack - ?
Dinner - meat with green beans or broccoli or spinach & more cheese.

This is gonna suck! Guess we will see how this comes out.

I realize I can also make salads with this, like ground beef, lettuce, cheese, hard boiled egg, etc. But we’ll go one day at a time.

I’m curious if any of you have ever done something like this and what your results were?

Leave a message if you have with how it went.

Good luck to all of you who have this FAD issue too. We’re all in this together.

Happy Readings and I’ll talk to you all on the flip side.

Why I Want My Gov’t To Succeed

All night I have been trying to get my brain to turn on to write for my current WIP. The only thing I was at all inspired to write was this blog. I fought it for hours. Literally 3. I have had mental and verbal arguments with myself over this topic and it always boils down to one simple truth.

If our gov’t fails, we all fail.

Why would anyone want that? I don’t understand it. 

I remember a time not to long ago when people could have open debates on either side of the isle and at the end of the day still remain friends. Now I feel like I am living in a world where I have to censor what I say, even around family. People who are supposed to love you unconditionally. Is that the America you want to live in? It certainly isn’t what I want to live in.

I get it ... the left HATES President Trump. The right ... they want to cut social welfare programs and that makes them cruel, they want to lock our borders up, that makes them heartless, and every item of clothing, scrap of hair or molecule they breathe in from the air is scrutinized.

As a child I wanted to grow up to be President. I dreamt of the day I would toss my hat into politics. I was so naive that I had no clue what I would be asking for if I actually followed that dream.

Thank God I Didn’t.

I remember in my senior year at Clear Brook High School in Friendswood Texas my Gov’t teacher was talking about the Clintons. The big sex scandal was still a hot topic and everyone was talking about THE DRESS! My gov’t teacher made a comment that has stuck with me for many many years. He said that the whole world was laughing at us over the President having a mistress. Not that he has one but that American’s are so bent out of shape over sex and scandals that we make things blow up over nothing.

That was in 2000. 

Well now 18 years later and our country is even worse than we were back then. The media makes our leaders look pathetic. They are seemingly more concerned with shocking and eye catching headlines than actual facts. Fake news is on a rapid increase and real legit news sources are on a decline.

And worst, the world is laughing harder. This time they look at us and want to protect their citizens from us. A country that used to be a center for hope is now an image of terror because they never know where our political moods are going to take them.

YES, I VOTED FOR TRUMP! Go ahead and unfollow, unfriend or whatever. That’s fine. Do I agree with everything he’s done, no, I never agree with republicans 100%. My first election ever I voted for John Kerry. I never vote straight ticket, I always vote on merit. I couldn’t vote for Clinton so there you have it.

But just because I don’t like President Trump’s twitter wars that doesn’t mean I dont want to still support him. He’s my president. He’s the leader of my country. Of course I support him. You can disagree with him  and still support him. Because if he wins, I win. If his presidency is positive I’ll be ahead, I’ll win too. 

I told my husband today that it’s been 17 years since 9/11. I think a majority of the country has forgotten what it was like waking up to those twin towers on fire. I vividly remember it. My roommate Brittani was in the bathroom blow drying her hair. The TV was on and I woke up just as the second plane ran into the second tower. The smoke was steaming from the building and the news was going crazy.

I picked up the phone and called my friend James. He was asleep and when I got him to answer he told me not to be gulable, that someone was joking with me. But no, there was no joke. It happened. James and I drove home to Friendswood that weekend and on our drive through Houston we saw a Southwest sign that said “Non stop flights to NYC starting 9/11” But that didn’t happen, the airports had all shut down. 

My dad’s coworker was supposed to be in one of the buildings that crashed, near the floor of the sites. His child had gotten sick and he had missed his flight. I went to college with a guy from Boston who lost friends in the attack. Days and days of coverage lasted with the dust and debris, the image of people jumping out of buildings just to try and live. 

Death, destruction, hatred. 9/11 was real, it was horrible, and it could happen again. 

Do you know how many threats the gov’t has to stop every day, week, month or year to keep this generation of students from waking up to another attack on that scale?

I was an intern at a congressman’s office through my political science program. I went to an FBI Task Force meeting where they talked about the terroist infiltrating a food plant facility that made MRE’s for our troops and poisoning them. Terrorist from the Arab countries sneaking across the border as Hispanics. Legit, real threats that happened in 2003.

What makes you think that’s stopped? You know it hasn’t. It’s only gotten worse because technology has gotten more sophisticated. 

I remember 9/11. I remember my friends of Arab nationalities that weren’t as lucky as me. My skin isn’t dark, my name is Ashley, can’t get more white than that. But I had friends who had darker skin, names that are hard to pronounce. I remember their lives changing forever because now everyone instantly hated them.

I remember the cleaners near my middle school getting vandalized multiple times because someone from Pakistan owned it.

I remember, do you?

The terrorist are real, the threats are real. They happen in England, France and other places in the world. What if we are next?

Yes our country is made up of immigrants- well mostly. We do have the Native American’s who we stole everything from that truly have the rightful claim to our land still to consider. But yes, we are made up of people seeking protection.

My great grandfather Sam came here from Lebanon. He came through Ellis Island. He came at the turn of the century and he worked very hard to save enough money to bring my great grandmother here. They were immigrants. My step family are immigrants. My friends are immigrants. I have nothing against immigration. 

So long as it’s legal.

I hear you, the argument is they are escaping from violence. Okay, so we need to push reform and better vetting process, that’s fine I’m all on board with that. But we don’t need to push for open borders. We need to scrutinize anyone who sets foot on our soil because what if you’re next.

What if you’re on the next flight that gets hijacked and you find out it’s heading for the Pentagon. You have to take down the terrorist. 

What would you do? Would you give your life selflessly to protect our country? Or would you sit there bitching and moaning that we should have had tougher borders for protection.

Everything our country is, everything we work towards, everything we are. You're willing to throw that all away just to get President Trump impeached? I don’t get it, I don’t understand. Why?

If he wins, we win. 

It’s a trickle down affect. 

I read tonight that 1 million jobs have been created this year, 1 million. Why aren’t we celebrating this?

I don’t understand the political climate today, and I don’t think I want to. I know this post went long over board and I mean I can do that, it’s my blog. But I hope at least one or two lines got you to think.

If everyone who is out there crying out that deportation isn’t humanitarian I challenge you. Go out there and bring a homeless man woman or child into your home and leave him or her there for 20 days. See how it feels for you. See if you can help change their life. Take care of your fellow countryman.

Or I challenge you to look at the foster children. 100,000 children with no parents. You want to help go be one of those children’s mom or dad. It was the best decision my Hubby and I ever made. Put your money where your mouth is and help AMERICANS who are without the basic love of a family.

Maybe you can do it, maybe you can’t. Only you will be able to tell.

To sum it up ... remember this ... for you to succeed your country has to succeed. For that to happen, our president has to succeed. 

So the next time you’re out there bashing the President I want you to think about something ... is this bettering me? If the answer is yes ignore me, but if it isn’t ... think about it.

We should want our gov’t to win ... that’s the only way we will win too.

That’s it, I’m done with my ramble ... carry on among you’re lives.